12minds.com

Heya kids,

I’ve been off doing that whole “final exams” thing for the past couple of weeks which, for all intents and purposes, results in my disappearance from any and all interactions with non-law-related things or people. I have no idea what day it is anymore, I’m pretty sure my family’s doing well, I assume the US still leads in everything awesome, and I like to tell myself that I still have friends outside of the library…in other words, you still like me, right?

But after many hours of studying, I’ve completed 3 of the 4 finals with the last exam coming up on Wednesday afternoon. A strange part of final exams is that after all the studying, all the practice writing, and after all the stress…the end of the exam is often a bit anti-climactic. (As opposed to anti-climatic which simply means that you’re against the weather.) And it throws me off – as if the end of the exam should be met with a grand celebration, streamers, and a princess. Pretty much the end scenes in Super Mario Brothers or in Star Wars:

To clarify: I’d be Han Solo, Luke Skywalker would be uninvited, Natalie Portman would replace Leia and invite her friends, and more booze and less old people would be involved. I say we still invite the robots and Wookie because the robots could likely be great bartenders and conversation topics.

My point is, at the very least, I feel as if an 8-bit NES-style celebration song as I’m walking out of my last final would be appropriate.

No? Not so much? Well, celebration song or not, back to studying I go. I hope to be back to posting regularly sometime next week in time for a birthday post, a new year post, and, finally, that post I’ve been promising since September, my multi-part zombie invasion survival guide.

But also, dear reader, I was hoping for your help. Any ideas on topics you want me to write about? Questions you want me to answer? If so, either send me an email (12minds[at]gmail) or leave a comment.

Tissues? Check.
Queued up televisions shows? Check.
Tea & Soup? Check.

Berto Fun Fact: I like to be active. I’m an early riser who loves to have my run and breakfast done by 8am. I like to be busy and on the move. And since I often only need 5-6 hours of sleep to function, I see sleep as a hindrance – albeit a fun one – more than anything else.

I say this all to impress upon you how much the past three days have sucked. I wasn’t feeling well on Friday, and I’ve been pretty much in bed since Saturday. I hate feeling stuck and immobile, which is to say nothing of my body betraying me by shutting down.

This is all a long way of complaining that I’m bored of laying in bed and watching TV, I want to go for a run and attend yoga, I kindof miss my mom taking care of me, and I really don’t want to wear sweat pants anymore.

Complaining aside, my school schedule seems pretty light this week, so hopefully the damage to my staying in bed will be nominal. My classes from Wednesday through Friday have been canceled in what can only be described as a confluence of miracles. I still have to go into the office, but that’s only twice a week. The current plan involves taking it easy, drinking tea, and trying my best not to stress too much until I’m back to normal strength…And, of course, complaining about it all on twitter.

That is, after my nap. After the nap, back to being awesome…but maybe some soup and tea before awesomeness…

Dramatis Personae:

12minds: Charming, Confident, Intelligent, Well-Read, Witty…may, or may not, get nervous at interviews.

Interview Guy/Lawyer: Green shirt, Green tie, black socks that aren’t rolled up high enough, black pants that are too short. Pale white legs.

Secretary/Receptionist: Stereotypical kindly grandmother figure with big glasses and an old lady cardigan covering a tacky turtleneck. Hair style reminiscent of the 1950s.

ACT I

Scene: 12minds enters into an office and is reminded that Pennsylvania has a strong Irish contingent because it looks like some people take St. Patrick’s Day very seriously. Everything is caked in green glitter. This is confusing to 12minds because St. Patrick’s Day was two weeks ago. That means that he is in a room full of fierce Irish patriots or lazy bureaucrats. Neither bodes well.

The office is set to a comfortable temperature of approximately 97 degrees fahrenheit. It is worth noting that there is what seems to be a 55 degree difference between the veritable Irish-themed sauna that is this office and the windy, frigid world outside. Our hero foolishly dressed for the windy wonderland and had donned a winter coat and one of his warmer suits.

He immediately begins to sweat.

Receptionist: You can take a seat.

12minds: (panting) Thank you.

Sits, reaches for nearest newspaper – the WSJ – and begins to surreptitiously use said journal as a ventilation device. Tries to concentrate his chi in order to stop sweating. Visualizing igloos and eskimos. Realizes he knows nothing about chi, igloos, or eskimos. Increases speed of ventilation device and also reads a little about the upcoming G-20 meeting. Cools down from “soaked in sweat” to “mildly damp”. Will consider this a win.

Enter Interview Guy/Lawyer.

ACT II

Scene: Interview Guy/Lawyer’s (IGL) office. IGL sits at his desk and crosses his legs so that his leg is resting against the table. This allows our hero to see a significant gap between IGL’s socks and pants. Pale white older man leg nearly blinds 12minds. Unfortunately, it is also strangely hypnotic and causes 12minds to miss the first part of IGL’s question so he only hears…

*IGL:*…was interesting. So, can you tell me a little bit about that?

12minds: Er…(guesses it’s about his most recent job. Talks about his most recent job)

Guess was wrong. (Curse those blinding shins!!)

Interview quickly deteriorates. 12minds manages to forget what he actually did for a full year, he talks about a class that apparently isn’t on his transcript, and then he corrects the interviewer (damn my perfect knowledge of history and trivia!) not once, but twice.

Our hero then walks out of IGL’s office in shock that an interview could even go that poorly. Receptionist sees and takes pity on him and offers some chocolate (green wrapping, natch) as he leaves.

12minds takes the chocolate. This is the last bit of grace left in this horrible interview.

As 12minds walks out of the office, he unwraps the chocolate.

It melted…

and then proceeds to drip onto his suit.

fin.