True story from about three years ago:

Dramatis Personae:

Cute Girl: Gosh you were cute. You had blond hair, blue eyes, black sweater and glasses that made you look simultaneously cute, intelligent and I-Wanna-Rip-Your-Clothes-Off sexy. Remember, cute girl. You made eyes and smiled at me first.

Me: Guy at the table studying and making eyes at the aforementioned cute girl. She and I totally had a connection. I was already planning out our first date (Theatre, walk along the National Mall in the evening and dinner at Ceiba with lots of good wine)

You: Older man reading the Chinese newspaper at the library who sat down next to me. You smiled at me when you sat down and you seemed nice. You reminded me of my grandfather…if he were Chinese instead of Hispanic.

You then farted, my older Chinese newspaper reading friend. In any other environment, it would’ve been loud; however, in a silent library it sounded like a cannon shot. So loud, in fact, that unless one was sitting next to the farter, it would have been difficult to tell the specific source of said fart.

I was in shock. (Seriously, what does one do in a situation like this? My parents taught me to respect my elders, but never mentioned what to do if one of them lets one loose while you’re making eyes at cute blond girl across the table). So, in my shocked state (and feeling rather embarrassed about the whole situation), I just pretended not to notice while I was thinking of an exit strategy away from you, old man.
And then, while I’m trying to figure out how to run away with the girl of my dreams, you did the coolest thing ever:

Without missing a beat, you turned and looked at me in disgust. The girl of my dreams, grossed out because she thinks I just farted -- loudly no less -- in the middle of a silent library, gets up and walks out of my life...Yes, my friend, at the age of 70 something, you cock-blocked me AND managed to make ME feel guilty for YOUR fart.

I want to be mad at you, old man. I had never even considered settling down until I met this girl and you managed to totally ruin it for me...and yet...I really can’t be mad. As a guy, I have to give credit where credit is due. Your technique and reaction time were flawless. I have never seen such talent and your ability to lay blame with someone else is incredible. Teach me in your wise and ancient ways.

Cute girl of my dreams...wanna get together for lunch sometime?