I have decided to get back into this whole writing everyday thing that I once did a long, long time ago. My biggest problem is that I hate rambling and drifting around without a purpose…but as those wiser than I say
...weird and choppy, but masterpieces are allowed to begin this way.
Indeed.
I’ve managed to catch a pretty nasty bug last week that has evolved into a mean throat infection. At least it’s not strep throat, but it’s bad nonetheless. Fun coughing, great aches, and being unable to sleep because swallowing hurts so much is a ton of fun. Oh, and let’s not forget the cold/hot flashes. The somewhat amusing part was yesterday as I went over to pick up the anti-biotics and I was walking around in jeans and a sweatshirt in 80 degree humid weather.
Somewhere along the line I’ve managed to lose a lot of myself and the things that I held dear. How did that change happen? Where, along the line, did I start losing these things? Was it an inactive verb like “losing” or is the onus on myself? Where along the line did I drop these things and replace them for things less shiny, more prone to breaking, and a trillion times more likely to leave me alone at the end of the day?
I’ve spend a good part of the past hour or so re-reading old journal entries, old web entires and old emails. The most beautiful halloween…and yet I can’t really remember it. Pearl Jam has this incredible song from their Vitology album titled Nothingman and one of the lines goes
caught a bolt of lightning, cursed the day he let it go
And I don’t think I ever understood what Eddie Vedder was talking about until now. How can one catch lightning? Why would anyone ever let it go? Why? How? “Could’ve been something.”
And I continue to run. But this time, I’m at least running for real. Been able to do six miles without too much trouble from the lungs or the bum ankle. I remember, long ago, how running helped me form thoughts, delve a little bit deeper into myself and the world. Running didn’t always mean running away…it once meant knowing where I wanted to go and getting there with focus and speed. I’d like to get back to that again.
Rambling is tough…so is running…but if you can verbalise just a little more than you could before…well, that sortof makes all the difference, doesn’t it?
Pearl Jam – Nothingman
Hotel Lights – You Come I Go
Dar Williams – Closer to Me
Adrianne – 10,000 Stones