I came into China without many expectations and at the same time I find myself unimpressed and disappointed.
Unimpressed with the city itself and the people I’ve met. At the end of the day, they’re not too different at all from anyone back home inasmuch as that it requires patience and time to truly get to know someone and truly appreciate them. Also, first impressions really don’t mean squat in a place that has a different culture than what one is accustomed to. My nearly perfect track record has been shot to hell the past two weeks in Nanjing. People that I thought would be nice turn out to be jerks; while it is the people that I thought were grade-A jerks turn out to be rather sympathetic and helpful.
The disappointment lies not in China, but with myself. I tend to live in the world of imagination and hope. In short, I’ve always been content to live in a world of dreams. I always thought/hoped/imagined that under different circumstances I would simply be great and all would be better magically…that life really was like any number of movies I would place myself into when I was younger.
But instead in the past year – and certainly in the past two week – I’ve seen myself making the same mistakes that I would make in middle school, high school, college and life afterwards. Time and time again, I would fall in the exact same way. On the bright side, I suppose that it can be said that at least I’m taking a step forward by recognizing the pattern and by trying to correct the mistakes before they completely blow out of control…but the truth is that I thought I was past all this by now. What happened? Where along the line did I forget to learn from my past mistakes and make the proper rectifications?
It is said that character is determined by what one does in times of tribulation. If that is the case, then I am perpetually concerned that mine will be found lacking.