In the end, we are a collection of memories and associations. We mark off days on our calendars and we view our development as individuals relative to where we once were. We are the sum of our parts and experiences. No takebacks.
When I was younger, I would often get the comment that I live in the past and can’t really move forward. I guess since I didn’t really know better, I agreed, but the truth of the matter is that I had questions that were never answered. It wasn’t that I wanted to focus on the past, but more that I wanted some sort of resolution between the parties involved. And it’s never ever been that I can’t let go of the past or move on. If there’s something that I’m typically pretty good at, it’s letting go and walking away.
However, today the iPod has put me in an introspective, forward-looking, nostalgic kind of mood. Songs from the past that remind me of scents, smiles, sunsets, feelings and flirtations. And it really strikes me how much we are dependent on our past. For all the weirdness associated with these songs, I can look back and be content in knowing that I’ve grown and improved; and in spite of the regrets, I stand by the majority of my decisions, as much as the consequences of some of them still stand today.
I guess the trick is to let the past be part of you, the smell of the girl, the color of her eyes, the taste of the apple…all of these memories, for better or worse, are part of you. The question is whether or not you let it define you and determine your life.
All in all, though. I really hope that I can look back in the future and smile about all of this. I hope that this is all worth…something more.