This post is supposed to be about running and a general reflection on how things have changed in the past year and in the past six months. It’s supposed to end on a hopeful note saying something to the effect that the best is yet to come. The truth of the matter is that I do know that things, at least internally, are a lot better now relative to last year. But that’s like saying that things are better the day after Katrina. Yeah, we’re not underwater and drowning, but that’s not really saying much at all, is it?

And it’s not. I’ve been running consistently for about two weeks now and I’m really happy about that. But the improvement is actually bothering me and I’m frustrated by it. I feel like I’m running to forget, or to get past something…some sort of psychological block I’ve set up believing that if I run myself into exhaustion then I’ll be free of “it” or if I finish the ten miles then I’ll just collapse and it will be over and done with. But I’ve been getting stronger and my stamina has gone up. It takes more miles for me to get tired, an hour of running isn’t enough anymore and I need more hills.

I think I’ve got a long way to run.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that I’m improving. I’m glad that I’ll soon see results in weight loss and all the other good stuff caused by running. I’ll hit the runner’s high more often, 2 hour runs will become standard, and I’ll feel more like myself than I have in a while. I’m glad and thankful that I have markers of where I was last week or last month. I can measure progress and it’s a great thing for me. It’s healthy, it’s stable, it’s cheaper than drinking and I can actually function the next day. It makes me happy, for the most part. It makes me hopeful in myself and that I’m not weak or destined to failure. As long as I keep up pace, then I can still believe in myself. It’s a good foundation block and, the past couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to remember “do nothing which is of no use” and running is a great reminder of that. If I’m running regularly then why would I want to eat unhealthy food? Why would I want more than one glass of wine, or one beer or drink? Why would I want to stay up late if I’m running early in the morning every day?

Something else that running has taught me is that I absolutely have to set up schedules for myself. I’m totally undisciplined and given the chance, I will spend five days straight watching movies or television shows, playing on the computer and not doing anything productive at all. I need a schedule, I need ways to track progress, I need lists and structure or otherwise I just languish and think about things but never get them done.

My goals this week:

Running: Tues – 45 minutes light running; Wed – 2 hours medium run; Thurs – 45 minutes hard run; Friday – 1 hour medium/light run; Sunday – 10 miles.

Bring amenroma back on-line. I have a lot of reading to do re general economic policy, china policy and the foreign affairs articles by Obama and Romney. In short, I am not impressed with either of them and I wish we had a more realist-centered politician. I miss HWBush and our glory days. I’ll start posting once a day.

I have a couple of potentially funny posts (I know, something not annoyingly introspective, superficial and self-pitying?) and those will hopefully be up on Wednesday.

NPR – I’m trying to set up a Young Professionals Development group and I’ve been talking about a proposal for almost two months now. Enough fucking about, time to get this done. Proposal to be ready to go out on Monday morning.