Dear Panera,
We met under less than ideal conditions — I was a lonely 1L, I was hungry, in need of a place to study, and new to this crap-hole that they call a city. You were available, offered everyone free wireless, and were warm and inviting. Coming in, I must confess, I knew it was a mistake: there was no way this relationship would end well. But the lighting was dim to hide your imperfections, the seats were comfortable enough, and the wireless internet wasn’t going to kick me off like at school for checking facebook.
And, the truth of the matter is that I was looking for a new place to study during finals, Panera. I was running away from the library and I found you…you with your free wireless and your good food. Your hours were reasonable. And while things got busy and could be a bit noisy, it wasn’t stressful and tense like in the library. No one would come up to me and ask me for my outline or try to confuse me by telling me that 12(b)(6) is really about ninjas (Ed. I wish 12b6 were really about ninjas). And so I came, and so I ate, and so I studied, and so it came to be.
Here we are, my love. Finals are over, I’ve eaten your delicious egg souffles, your signature crap-tastic sandwiches, your mediocre tea, and your sorry excuse for pastries. I gained what felt like 43 trillion pounds, but the important thing is that I passed and got myself a reputable summer job.
After finals ended, like one waking up next to a drunken mistake, I swore to never partake in your sinfully mediocre espresso again. And like that same mistakor (that’s law school for you), I found myself making excuses to see you again..and in the back of my mind I know that finals are coming up again. I know that the library is the worst place to study and that Starbucks doesn’t offer wireless like you do, my guilty pleasure. How can I say no to you?
But I must. And I shall. We’re done, Panera. Your egg souffles, those delicious morning rays of happiness, apparently constitute nearly 40% of my recommended cholesterol intake. I have a family history of high cholesterol, Panera! How could you?! I gave you so much! (About $15 a day on coffee, lunch, and pastries, 6 days a week, for two weeks prior to finals…ugh.) And now I have to run an extra mile every day to, literally, lose you.
I wish we could be friends, but alas, I must quit you for good. Never again will I walk into your inviting doors for overpriced orange juice.
—1L
ps. I always used two tea packets when I was supposed to use one.