If you haven’t yet, you really should start reading The Economist’s “More Intelligent Life.” Today’s article discussing/examining the economics of prostitution is pretty interesting. And there are always the fun quotes:
It seems purchasing sex is like buying shellfish: it should come from a reputable provider. Meeting a woman in a clean, well-kept environment signals higher quality and lowers the risk of an infection substantially.
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Caught up on some sleep last night. Deep, deep sleep with varied dreams. I was responsible for someone (uncle, father, or professor) losing their fingers. I ended up eating Quail, or Duck, with the three fates.
I then found myself in a new apartment, in a new city with new roommates. Actually, it wasn’t a new apartment, but one that I had shared with a girlfriend or something. In the dream she and I had just broken up and she had moved out. I brought in two new people: a guy and a girl, but the guy brought his younger daughter with him and the girl brought her mother, or something. I know that people hate hearing about other people’s dreams, but this is my site, so there we go.
I think that the key point from the first dream was of responsibility and consequence. Rather, that assuming a lax sense of responsibility leads to real consequences and a lingering sense of shame and irreparability. The damage is done and nothing can ever make it like it was before.
As for the fates, they show up in my dreams pretty regularly and they always scare me. They also always know to expect me. They are always different in appearance (different ages, different skin colors, etc.) but they always have that underlying sense that they are unchanging.
In the last dream about the new roommates. I remember finding the ex-girlfriend’s bra in a corner and feeling very sad about the fact that things weren’t as they were.
I guess in retrospect, the theme of the dreams was the same: Some things do not get fixed and are irreversible. But in the latter dream I was moving on with my life. I was inviting new people to live with me in my house, I was bringing in new memories. While I recognize that it’s certainly important and necessary, probably even vital, to rebuild…what about the past? What is the value of what once was but cannot be? Is it just thrown away?
Lately, I’ve been really tempted to call up some ex-gfs and ask them their thoughts on our relationships, etc. To figure out…essentially what the meaning of it was. Or rather, if the value of it is a function of the end result (i.e., the break-up), the beginning (the good parts), or what. Is it a mixture of it? If one says “I love you” and it doesn’t last does that mean that it meant nothing at all?
In law school we’re taught that we should love clear, bright-line rules. That the ultimate greatness is to say “A is correct” or “B is guilty”. But the more I learn about the law, the more I realize that while we may joke about it in school, it all depends and meaning and measurement and the ultimate truth is as close to non-existent as I can find because we’re trying to measure and find truth in life. If it was love and true in the beginning, then the entire thing can’t be a mistake, can it? And if it ended, then it wasn’t all perfect. There are subtleties, there are nuances, and there aren’t any bright-line rules of any importance because each one only determines truth and importance by their own individual subjective standards.
And, if there is a truth out of any of it, isn’t it that it’s neither good nor bad, neither true nor false, just…different.
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Today was actually close to a perfect day. Caught up on sleep, got to play dress-up, got to hang out with a bunch of accomplished professionals…but it all felt ridiculously empty. And at the same time…I don’t know. today, this week, this month, this school year. Successes and Failures together, I still wonder how much of it I’ve actually felt.