I passed by the Shangria-La Hotel in Nanjing the other day. The last time I was there was nearly 3 months ago during my first day in China. So strange to look at the same thing with the eyes of experience and time. What was once daunting and frightening becomes ordinary. I remember walking around the city my very first morning and feeling a mix of wonder and trepidation while Wednesday was just as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. Actually, my concerns are focused on returning back to the US. How will I see it? How will I feel coming back home?
Surprisingly enough, I feel torn about coming back home. While I am certainly excited to see Alicson, my family and friends, I am having second thoughts about coming back home. I feel as if I should stay in China and focus more on the language and try to integrate myself more into society. I’ve realized that that is the biggest thing that I’m missing so far. Classes are good in order to learn grammar and words and it’s super helpful. But in order to really speak Chinese one needs to literally dive into the society.
Ironic, last month I couldn’t wait to get home and now I wish I could stay in China for the whole summer.

Last night was spent with Alex and Patrick watching episodes of this season’s Family Guy. We smoked a hooka (sp?) and to be honest, I didn’t really like it that much. Much like a cigar, it ends up with me feeling kinda sick. After Family Guy we went out to dinner to this small restaurant where we ended up talking with the owner and his wife. While none of us were in the mood to drink, the owner said that all the beers were on him and insisted that we “gan bei” with him. What’s tricky is that while we didn’t want to drink, if the owner (who is also older than us) invites us to drink, then we can’t say no without insulting him. It became a face issue, so we downed our beers with he and his wife.
It was actually a pretty interesting experience to sit down and talk with him and his wife and it was a great opportunity to practice my Chinese. The thing that struck me most though was thinking of how nice they were, but immediately doubting their sincerity. We’re foreigners and they view us as a source of money and as something…new and different. Unfortunately, it’s not rare at all in China to feel as if the only reason that Chinese people are nice to you or try to be your friends is solely because you are non-Asian. It’s not until I came to China that I’ve often felt like a trained monkey. I try not to make judgments about it just because it’s a different culture and society, but it still sucks now and then to remember that.