Dramatis Personae:
12minds: Charming, Confident, Intelligent, Well-Read, Witty…may, or may not, get nervous at interviews.
Interview Guy/Lawyer: Green shirt, Green tie, black socks that aren’t rolled up high enough, black pants that are too short. Pale white legs.
Secretary/Receptionist: Stereotypical kindly grandmother figure with big glasses and an old lady cardigan covering a tacky turtleneck. Hair style reminiscent of the 1950s.
ACT I
Scene: 12minds enters into an office and is reminded that Pennsylvania has a strong Irish contingent because it looks like some people take St. Patrick’s Day very seriously. Everything is caked in green glitter. This is confusing to 12minds because St. Patrick’s Day was two weeks ago. That means that he is in a room full of fierce Irish patriots or lazy bureaucrats. Neither bodes well.
The office is set to a comfortable temperature of approximately 97 degrees fahrenheit. It is worth noting that there is what seems to be a 55 degree difference between the veritable Irish-themed sauna that is this office and the windy, frigid world outside. Our hero foolishly dressed for the windy wonderland and had donned a winter coat and one of his warmer suits.
He immediately begins to sweat.
Receptionist: You can take a seat.
12minds: (panting) Thank you.
Sits, reaches for nearest newspaper – the WSJ – and begins to surreptitiously use said journal as a ventilation device. Tries to concentrate his chi in order to stop sweating. Visualizing igloos and eskimos. Realizes he knows nothing about chi, igloos, or eskimos. Increases speed of ventilation device and also reads a little about the upcoming G-20 meeting. Cools down from “soaked in sweat” to “mildly damp”. Will consider this a win.
Enter Interview Guy/Lawyer.
ACT II
Scene: Interview Guy/Lawyer’s (IGL) office. IGL sits at his desk and crosses his legs so that his leg is resting against the table. This allows our hero to see a significant gap between IGL’s socks and pants. Pale white older man leg nearly blinds 12minds. Unfortunately, it is also strangely hypnotic and causes 12minds to miss the first part of IGL’s question so he only hears…
*IGL:*…was interesting. So, can you tell me a little bit about that?
12minds: Er…(guesses it’s about his most recent job. Talks about his most recent job)
Guess was wrong. (Curse those blinding shins!!)
Interview quickly deteriorates. 12minds manages to forget what he actually did for a full year, he talks about a class that apparently isn’t on his transcript, and then he corrects the interviewer (damn my perfect knowledge of history and trivia!) not once, but twice.
Our hero then walks out of IGL’s office in shock that an interview could even go that poorly. Receptionist sees and takes pity on him and offers some chocolate (green wrapping, natch) as he leaves.
12minds takes the chocolate. This is the last bit of grace left in this horrible interview.
As 12minds walks out of the office, he unwraps the chocolate.
It melted…
and then proceeds to drip onto his suit.
fin.